


Five Heats and a Funeral

by orphan_account



Series: Yangu AU Bingo [1]
Category: K-pop, Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Feelings, Getting Together, Growing Pains, Growing Up, Introspection, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Character Death, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Pining, Self-Discovery, Slice of Life, mentions of yanone sleeping with other people
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 13:51:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11692986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Changgu thinks he grew up a good omega.Not ‘good’ as in submissive stay-at-home-and-takes-it-missionary-style-for-fifty-years—and-rear-two-spawns-before-passing, but new age good. Going through puberty during the transition between “omegas need equal rights” into “okay now what,” he grew up reassured of his independence and worth outside of reproduction, and clings to inspirational quotes about self confidence typed in Bebas Neue on top natural stock images throughout his preteen years. He pictures himself going to university and working after getting a degree, using a heat service until he’s at least 25, and paying for half the dinner bill when he decides to start courting.Yanan is a great alpha. Patient, level-headed, funny, and close in age. There’s just one problem.In other words: Changgu is learning how to be both equal and different, Hongseok is helpful, Jinho is not, and Yanan has trouble thinking about things that aren't soup dumplings.





	Five Heats and a Funeral

Changgu thinks he grew up a good omega.

Not ‘good’ as in submissive stay-at-home-and-takes-it-missionary-style-for-fifty-years—and-rear-two-spawns-before-passing, but new age good. Going through puberty during the transition between “omegas need equal rights” into “okay now what,” he grew up reassured of his independence and worth outside of reproduction, and clings to inspirational quotes about self confidence typed in Bebas Neue on top natural stock images throughout his preteen years. He pictures himself going to university and working after getting a degree, using a heat service until he’s at least 25, and paying for half the dinner bill when he decides to start courting.

Changgu’s a good omega.

When Changgu gets cast into Cube, his vision changes a bit, but he’s still good. They tell him to grow his hair out so he doesn’t get attention at school, but even with his shaggy mullet cut he grows up well. It’s a bit harder biologically, but after a four year regimen of bulking on carbs and several tubs of protein powder he’s put enough muscle in his arms for even other omega trainees to do a double take when they’re changing after practice. The first time one of the other trainees gets a little too feisty he knees the bastard in the eye so hard the alpha’s nose breaks, and even the human resources director can’t help but smile a little, proud, when he’s scolding Changgu. He keeps up with the alphas during dance practice, grows his range during vocal practice, and when they ask him to pose as a beta with Hyuna even as a trainee he feels like he’s reached some sort of peak.

Changgu is good, period.

He can cook well, memorise lines, knows how to change his face from demure innocence to sultry and dominating within seconds. Knows how to spot his camera, knows which half of his face flatters the camera, knows which angle to keep so his jawline flatters his face, and when Cube announces their next boy group he knows his time has come. " _Congratulations"_ he receives prematurely (but not really).

Changgu deserves a good alpha.

Not good as in brings-home-the-bacon-and-doesn’t-get-any-of-his-affairs-pregnant good, but good as in respectful. Good as doesn’t expect their partner to stay home, good as in compromises rather than demands, good as in doesn’t type household chores and doesn’t posture or mark without consent. An alpha that does what he wants, even if it’s not alpha-like, because he does what he wants instead of what other people want him to do. Someone who doesn’t take himself too seriously, and makes Changgu laugh without trying. Someone with a unique scent, so a fragrant mix of clean, of lavender, of abroad hits Changgu’s nose whenever they meet. Someone who smiles at Changgu when he comes back from the gym, genuinely proud because he’s heard Changgu confess how high strung all the hormones in the weight room make him feel. Someone who’s always looking for weird foods to try, like durian and skate fish and meal worms. Someone who will huff garlic-y dragon’s breath into Changgu’s face when Changgu feigns disgust after they’ve eaten jokbal, with no sense that Changgu needs to be treated delicately.

“Yanan.” Jinho supplies unhelpfully. At second glance, Changgu is unamused to find that Jinho’s under some delusion that he’s being helpful. “You’re talking about Yanan?” Jinho continues, when Changgu just stares back at the alpha in a dumbfounded silence.

“I’m going to go back to talking about myself.” Changgu replies, shaking his head and heads back to his room. Yanan isn’t there, so he crawls up to the top bunk and sprawls, lamenting his life.

Yanan is a great alpha. Patient, level-headed, funny, and close in age. There’s just one problem.

 

 

  
“So my heat rotation is during April and October.” Changgu blurts out; Yanan is abrasively straightforward at best, blatantly rude at worst, and will probably appreciate Changgu getting straight to the point. They’re eating skewers and drinking at a local park, because Changgu had wanted a bit of privacy for this, even though there’s nothing to be ashamed of. “And I was wondering-”

“I don’t know.” Yanan cuts in, and Changgu’s heart sinks a little. “Heat?”

“Yes, heat.”

“Heat.”

“Heat?” Now Changgu’s confused.

“He-at.”

“No, ‘he-et.’”

“Heat!”

“Yes, heat.”

“Heat.” Yanan repeats, slowly this time, and oh my God he’s not doing it that’s not what Changgu thinks it is. “How do you spell that?” Yanan asks, pulling out the pocket dictionary Yuto bought him for his birthday. Changgu tries to not find it cute that the figurative connotation of the word ‘pocket’ is lost on the other.

“Heat.” Changgu repeats slowly, face flushing. He fans himself vigorously with his right hand, and points at his right hand with his left for emphasis. “My heat. October. Soon.”

“…Shade?” Yanan asks, setting the dictionary down when he notices his fingers are covered in grease. He points the a large tree a couple meters away for clarification. Changgu experiences some residual pride because finger-talking had been one of his foreign language teaching points to the other, making up for any pronunciation mishaps with visuals. He’s quickly annoyed again when he remembers their context.

“Never mind.” Changgu sighs, shaking his head.

“No, let’s go. It’s hot. I didn’t wear sun cream.” Yanan protests, picking up half of their bags of food holding his dictionary with his two wrists. “Let’s go.”

Changgu follows dejectedly into the shade, and once they’re settled again the bright expression on Yanan’s face gives him the courage to try one last time.

“Dedicated heat partner.” Changgu tries.

“Deduct ten points?”

“Monogamy.”

“Homophone?”

“Never mind.” Changgu sighs for the fifth time in the last hour, shaking his head. “You’re going to cover puberty in your Korean class soon; I just thought I’d test you.” He teases, when it doesn’t seem like Yanan’s going to drop it. The alpha seems to recognise the word ‘puberty’ though, and promptly turns scarlet before shoving an entire lamb skewer into his mouth.

 

 

 

  
It’s not really just the translation requirements that make Changgu back off, because with the help of Mandarin Naver and a few other Chinese trainees if need be, Changgu probably would’ve been able to get the message across. Frankly, some lewd hand motions might have done the job just fine. It’s partially due to the fact the nuances of the word ‘dedicated’ will probably be lost on Yanan, and partially the fact Changgu’s a bit bitter about the fact his heats haven’t crossed Yanan’s mind at all. Now that debut is on the horizon their work life is more physically taxing yet more mentally relaxed, and Changgu has more room to think about his roommate and where their relationship is at. Cube is willing to turn a blind eye to heat partners most of the time, because there’s several conveniences regarding contraception, schedules, and timing when they’re kept within the group. But while Changgu’s in puppy love land, Yanan’s worrying about other things.

Dual-country taxes.

His ailing, hospitalised grandmother.

Memorising more Korean.

Understanding more Korean.

Learning their lyrics.

Finding a Chinese restaurant that makes decent soup dumplings.

Changgu’s on home ground, comfortable in his skin, while Yanan’s new to the point where he still scents like a tourist. So Changgu decides to back off until they’re on the same page, or at least the same book.

This doesn’t make sense to an increasingly unhelpful Jinho.

“Because you like him, you asked me to be your heat partner.” Jinho repeats, and Changgu can literally see the ‘404 Error’ message pop up on the elder’s forehead. “Why.”

“Let me try again.” Changgu sighs, taking a moment to think up another analogy. “Like needs to match with like, right? I think you’re an okay heat partner. You think I’m an okay heat partner. So we match.”

“But if I’m just okay-”

“Let me finish.” Changgu continues. “I think of Yanan as a dedicated heat partner; Yanan thinks about where to find twice cooked pork in Korea.”

“I mean he still has a dick. I doubt it’s broken.” Jinho responds, just as dazed.

“The problem isn’t his dick,” Changgu replies, “it’s his feelings.”

“Aren’t we talking about sex?”

“You know what, hyung, why don’t you just fill out the heat form.” Changgu sighs. “I already got the contraceptives from manager-hyung. It’ll probably hit tomorrow, if not then the day after.”

“That sounds good.” Jinho nods, and Changgu adjusts his image of the elder in his head.

Even though Jinho had entered the company later, Changgu had looked up to him as an idol even when he was just a trainee. Changgu’s a solid above average in all of their classes, from vocal to dance to English, but Jinho is the best across the board, and carries himself with experience that can’t be picked up from a book. After a few fits of jealousy, Changgu had decided to learn from instead of be bitter about and he’s been able to go to Jinho about anything. Now that his problems are more personal though, it’s a cold, lonely, wave reminding him that some things he needs to handle on his own. Despite the reminder, this is the first time since training started that Changgu’s felt up to going through his heat off suppressants. The comfort of debut on the horizon makes him feel more at ease.

This is how the first heat passes.

 

 

 

“Yeowon, do you want to eat lunch?” Yanan asks, head peaking into their door.

It shouldn’t bother him as much as it does.

“No, I’m not hungry.” Changgu lies, but manages a bitter grin when Yanan looks concerned.

“I’m heading out with Hongseok hyung then! I’ll bring you back something.” Yanan promises, and shuts the door before Changgu can thank him.

‘Hongseok hyung’ can go fuck himself, as far as Changgu’s concerned.

Along with half the rest of the team.

Hyunggu is still Hyunggu, and Yuto is still Yuto, and Wooseok is still Wooseok, and Jinho hyung is still Jinho hyung. Yanan has taken on to the Hwi nickname, but he’d had so much trouble pronouncing Hwitaek’s actual name that Changgu’s pretty sure their leader prefers it this way. But after the third time Yanan had accidentally said “Changgu” during a recording, their manager had pulled the other aside. After a fierce scolding, their solution was simple—Yanan would call Changgu Yeowon all the time, until he could learn to do it on camera too.

It shouldn’t bother him as much as it does—but it does. Something feels so foreign, so professional, so cold about the way it rolls of Yanan’s tongue. “Yeowon-ah, we have to wake up now!” he’ll scream, hair messy and gaze soft, and it feels like being caressed and punched in the face at the same time. Changgu is a good omega, so he shouldn’t be thinking these things. Possessive thoughts, coddling thoughts, unpractical thoughts. They have a job to do, and Yanan is trying to do it, but the more Yeowon tries to ignore how much it annoys him the more his unbothered facade starts to crack.

“It’s because he talks about you the most.” Shinwon tries to cheer him up, the second to notice what’s going on. Maybe the first, since Jinho probably wouldn’t have figured it out if Changgu hadn’t laid it out for him explicitly. “I don’t think any footage of him and Hyunggu has even aired. But he talks about you all the time which is why he messes up so much.”

“Dumb ass.” Changgu huffs, definitely not low key preening, letting himself stew in his annoyance for the duration of this pep talk before turning his facade brighter than ever the next day. He doesn’t need an alpha to support him; he doesn’t need children to feel complete; he doesn’t need Yanan to say his name.

This is how his second heat passes.

 

 

 

  
“Oh, wow.” Yanan stumbles, steadying the soup in his hands quickly so none spills.

“You alright?” Changgu asks, peering out from under his comforter. Yuto doesn’t like to move for the next 30 to 40 hours after a heat, exhausted and sleepy, but Changgu has a habit of booking it back to his room as soon as its over, elbowing a growly Jinho if he has to. He claims it’s because he likes the comfort of his own bed, but in reality it probably has a little more to do with the one underneath.

“Here’s your soup.” Yanan grins sheepishly, rubbing at his nose when he’s handed the tray over. That smile makes the fact Changgu waited through breakfast and lunch, starving, until Yanan was home and he could ask his roommate specifically to bring him food worth it. Changgu can’t help but dig himself out from the comforter a bit, self restraint exhausted. He leaves his hair tousled, lets his shirt rid up until a sliver of naval shows through, and leans tilts his head toward the wall so the full expanse of his unmarred neck is illuminated against the setting sun. Yanan isn’t blind, after all, maybe-

“Wow, you really smell like Jinho.” Yanan can’t help but comment again, sniffling.

Ouch.

It turns out that now that it’s been a full year since he arrived to Korea, Yanan’s nose is adjusted. He can distinguish nuances between the members now, instead of all of them smelling like “not Chinese.” This also means all the scenting Jinho did during Changgu’s heat puts Yanan on edge; not to the point where they can’t sleep in the same room, but to the point where he steals one of the diffusers Wooseok got during a fan meet and sticks all the reeds, until their room smells like nothing but cherry blossom paradise. It’s covers Jinho’s scent easily, but Changgu’s annoyed when it starts to cover up Yanan’s too.

He starts to miss suppressants.

 

 

 

 

Ironically, Changgu gets a lot of love during their first comeback. He gets more dedicated fan sites, more screen time on stage, more people screaming his name when they make their way to airports and trains and broadcasting stations. There are compliments about his hair cut, the red eye makeup, how well the concept suits him, how good he looks in white. It’s ironic, because he’s never felt uglier. Every time Yanan and Hongseok go off to eat together, get partnered for activities, practice together, study together, Changgu feels his skin flaking, eye bags darkening, hair drying out.

If an alpha doesn’t like him, then that alpha can fuck off. He’s not an omega who needs approval, who needs someone else to be complete, who’s going to hang around for someone who doesn’t give him the time of day. He’s not an omega who gets petty and competitive, who gets possessive, who things problematic things when he sees the object of his affection spending more and more time with another omega. He knows Hongseok and Yanan are close, and he’s happy their close because Hongseok can help Yanan translate things more easily with English.

Hongseok is not convinced.

“So, let me just summarise things.” Hongseok starts, looking for Changgu’s approval before he continues. The latter’s growing annoyed with the amount of people who don’t seem to think he makes sense. “You’re not angry with me.”

“Of course not! I don’t have any reason to be angry with you!” Changgu starts, and pauses for breath when he realises he sounds a bit too irritated for someone who’s definitely not angry. “I’m tired from schedules.” Excuses it is then.

“It’s nothing personal of course.” Hongseok raises an eyebrow, and Changgu nods vigorously.

“I’ll feel better once I’ve slept.”

“So you definitely haven’t been avoiding the gym for the past two weeks because you didn’t want to see me.” Hongseok raises an eyebrow.

“I’m at the gym right now, what are you talking about.” Changgu scoffs, deciding not to bring up that Hongseok should be recording for their comeback right now, according to the version of the schedule he has.

“And you haven’t been purposely getting my order wrong every time we make a group order for Starbucks.”

“Hyung!”

“Or been purposely stepping on my shoes before you take yours off at the entryway.” Hongseok continues, and Changgu’s smile breaks.

“That’s just an accident.” Changgu sniffles.

“Come here.” Hongseok sighs, bringing Changgu to sit on the bench next to him in the locker room. “I’m not angry, okay maybe a little about the shoes, but I’m just worried.” He explains, shaking his torso back and forth as he puts his arms around the younger.

“I’m a fucking piece of shit.” Changgu starts, after a heavy inhale. Tears start to well up, but he ignores them. “This is Yanan’s fault.”

“What did Yanan do.” Hongseok soothes, not at all surprised. He brings up a hand when he notices the streaks down Changgu’s cheeks, but doesn’t try again when Changgu bats his hands away.

“It’s not Yanan’s fault. I’m just a piece of shit.”

“Why are you a piece of shit.” Hongseok continues, voice gentle, and Changgu’s too teary to see anything at this point but it makes spitting everything out easier.

“I… I’m not supposed to be like this.”

“Like what?”

“I… I’m not weak.” Changgu starts, slowing down to avoid blubbering. “I know that I don’t need someone to take care of me. I know I should put myself first. I know shouldn’t cry or get jealous and I’m sorry hyung but sometimes I’m just so fucking angry! If Yanan doesn’t want me then he can fuck right on off and I should move on but he makes me a bad person and I’m becoming such an asshole I’m sorry for ruining your shoes but it’s like I’m regressing! I’m not…”

It’s hard to put into words what he means. “I’m not a bad omega,” he wants to say, but that sounds puerile. It reminds him of being made fun of during gym class, of turning red during health class, of getting heated during debates during history class in middle school. He’s not that person anymore, he’s supposed to be stronger now. Even more independent, even more uncaring of other’s opinions, even more strong-willed, but instead he feels like he’s headed backwards.

“I’m not weak.” Changgu finishes, refusing to do anything about the tears, because touching them will mean they’re real. He’s not supposed to cry anymore.

“Oh Changgu.” Hongseok sighs, releasing Changgu from his hold and fluffing the younger’s hair a few times. “You dumb ass.”

“Shut up hyung.” Changgu turns bright red, shame coursing through his entire body. He’s never seen Hongseok cry before.

“Being a good omega doesn’t mean turning into a good alpha.” Hongseok starts, shoving Changgu’s hands aside and wiping his face down with his unused gym towel. “Whatever a ‘good alpha’ is supposed to be. You’re not a robot.”

“I’m not trying to be an alpha.” Changgu protests. “I’m just trying to be… equal.”

“Being equal doesn’t mean that you can’t cuddle, or cry, or get angry, or want attention, or be human.” Hongseok points out. “Those aren’t ‘bad omega’ traits either, even Jinho starts to whine if we forget he’s in his studio and go out to eat without him too many times. He’s not a ‘bad omega,’ or a ‘bad alpha’ for that matter, he’s just annoying.” Changgu grins a bit at that.

“Doesn’t that feel weird to you?” Changgu questions. “Wanting to touch people. Crying.”

“I mean no one likes crying, but it happens to the best of us.”

“But don’t you feel embarrassed? Like a stereotype. Like oh, look, another crying omega, who let them vote.”

“I just want to do what I want. You’re talking about before omega rights, right? I mean just because the law says I can use a heat service legally, that doesn’t mean I’m only going to use a heat service for the rest of my life. They’re supposed to be options so I can actually pick what I want to do.” Hongseok shrugs. Everything sounds simple when Hongseok says it.

“But how do you know what you want to do because it’s you and what you want to do because stereotypes tell you that it’s normal?” Changgu presses on.

“It’s hard to separate the two.” Hongseok shrugs. “I mean all the movies and porn and shit are all stereotypes. You just gotta think a lot. And what does ‘what we want’ even mean? It’s not like I was thinking about getting dicked from the moment I was born. We were taught to want things by society. There’s no clear line, we just kinda go with it.”

It’s nice having another omega to talk to, Changgu realises. Then he realises that he might be so comfortable with Hongseok hyung because he’s been taught that omegas band together, that omegas are more nurturing, that omegas are good for comfort. He doesn’t know where Hongseok the omega starts and Hongseok the Hongseok ends, but at the end of the day Hongseok is both a brother and coworker and they need to get along, so Changgu just takes this newfound friendship and rolls with it.

This new support system is especially nice because exactly 14 hours Changgu pours his heart out to Hongseok in a damp locker room, Yanan injures his wrist.

Yanan has rapid mood swings for the next week, understandably. He’s concerned it won’t heal properly, reassured that it’s a relatively light fracture, irritated that his he can’t use chopsticks with his left hand, angry when Wooseok buys him neon blue Pororo training chopsticks as a joke, despondent when Yanan releases how useful the Pororo chopsticks are, frustrated when he can’t dance, happy about the rest time, enraged that he can’t promote, and after a few days Yanan turns into resigned Yanan. No one can do anything about his wrist, and he’s accepted that letting it heal is better than trying to dance anyway.

Changgu, on the other hand, continues to be a hot fucking mess. He worries about Yanan eating on his own, showering on his own, and stays up some nights listening for the tell-tale yelp Yanan would hypothetically make if he were to roll over onto his injured hand. This happens way too many nights in a row, to the point where their stylist compliments how well he pulls off the soulless tsundere look. He doesn’t sleep through nights until Yanan’s cast comes off and gets replaced with some bandages, until the pain is mostly gone and Yanan starts to study Korean instead of watching day dramas when he’s alone. His third heat sneaks up on him as soon as he’s stopped to take a breath.

If Hongseok had been naggy before their heart-to-heart in the locker room, but afterwords he somehow manages to become even more so.

“Do you have your pills?”

“Yes.”

“What about Jinho’s pills?”

“Yes.”

“Condoms?”

“Hm.”

“Your post heat shot?”

“Un.”

“Don’t be mad at me!” Hongseok whines, tackling Changgu into Yanan’s bottom bunk. Changgu reacts maturely by squawking. “Yuto suppresses his heats now, who else am I going to nag?”

“Lucky.” Slips through Changgu’s lips as a knee-jerk reactions, and he groans when he sees the increasing concern in Hongseok’s eyes. “Hyung, I don’t mean anything by it.”

“Words have meanings.” Hongseok argues, pinning Changgu down and glaring. “Explain.”

“It doesn’t really make sense.”

“Try me.” Hongseok narrows his eyes for emphasis.

“I just…” Changgu starts, searching for words.

“Is it Jinho? He won’t take it personally if you want to switch partners. I mean our managers prefer it when it’s another member but they can go fuck themselves.”

“No, it’s not Jinho. I just sometimes wish I could suppress instead.”

“Then take suppressants.” Hongseok shrugs. “I mean they won’t be as effective now as they would have a few days ago, but you’ll get through it fine.”

“But I feel like I’m… r-” Changgu starts, and doesn’t catch himself in time.

“Regressing? You know I hate that word. There’s nothing for you to regress to, there’s nothing wrong with you know.” Hongseok nags, sitting up and leaning against the wall.

“It’s just that… It feel like I’m maturing when I use a heat partner. Embracing biology, or something. Free sexuality. And by suppressing… it’s like I’m wearing a chastity belt and crossing my legs so my heat doesn’t hit before someone writes my dad a fat enough check.”

“Bullshit.”

“I know.”

“Do you think about Yuto like that?”

“Of course not!”

“Then don’t hold yourself to those standards either.” Hongseok points out. “If it helps, just think of yourself as Yuto until you can talk yourself out of it.”

“Yeah, I’ll try that next time.” Changgu nods. Even if he still doesn’t know what to do, he feels better voicing it out loud.

“It’s not too late to change your mind this time either.” Hongseok replies. “I can’t even smell it yet.”

Changgu thinks about the photo shoots they have coming up, about the rehearsals for their second comeback. He thinks about what it’ll be like running through those half-suppressed, for an entire week.

It’s horrifying.

“This time I’ll just go through with it.” Changgu declares instantaneously, and Hongseok is appeased enough by his decisive nodding to drop the subject and walk out. He feels like he’s grown as a person now, evaluating what he wants more clearly. Maturing, or something akin to it.

Then Changgu realises that there’s a faint scent of Hongseok in Yanan’s bed now, and bristles at the thought. He rolls around a bit, going as far as to neck one corner of Yanan’s comforter, and makes sure to fall asleep before his roommate as to not catch his reaction.

Baby steps.

 

 

 

  
This is how the third heat passes.

 

 

 

  
The only real advantage of a heat partner at this point is that, if they go at it hard enough, Changgu can get his heat to break within the five hour mark. If they’re tired, then it might take up to seven. His third heat lasts five and a half, in an effort for him and Jinho to be physically present at the Critical Beauty jacket shooting, even if their minds are still a little out of it. He’s filter isn’t on all the way, it’s harder to smaller, and the lights are too bright, so he’s not all himself when he approaches Yanan in his armchair, ignoring the empty seat next to Shinwon across the room, and whines pitifully.

“Um.” Yanan stutters.

“I know I smell like Jinho. But he’s off shooting if that helps. I’m tired.” Changgu huffs. When Yanan doesn’t respond, Changgu squeezes next to the other in the armchair, hiding his head in the shade behind Yanan’s shoulder blades. The studio lights are giving him a migraine.

Yanan ends up standing up, making Changgu feel cry. Approximately 26 cry, but he can round up to 30. He comes back though, after turning off the unused bulbs facing their direction, and takes off his jacket to hang over Changgu’s head.

“I’ll wake you up when we’re doing group shots.” Yanan says, and Changgu wishes he could see what the other’s face looks like as he shoves Changgu’s head back up against his shoulder, but he’s still trying to process this turn of events. “Go to sleep.”

His migraine wins this round.

 

 

 

 

Changgu knows he can be a bit delusional, so he’s trying not to get his hopes up, but he’s pretty sure he and Yanan have gotten closer since his third heat. He likes to think they were pretty close before, too, but there’s a increase in vulnerability when conversation and casual touches are combined. Secrets and swallows phrases spill out easier when you’re comfortable, when you’re warm. It probably started during Changgu’s between-promotions cold.

“Do you need anything else?” Yanan asks, and Yanan does what Hongseok would do—consider both sides of the problem.

On one hand he’s being indulgent enough making Yanan debone all the chicken in the samgyetang into tiny, bite sized pieces. On the other hand, Yanan is offering. On the other hand, Changgu’s hand is very comfortable resting in his lap right now. On the other hand, Changgu is definitely just being a lazy piece of shit. On the other hand, Yanan probably would enjoy an opportunity to utilise his recently reacquired opposable thumb abilities. On the tenth hand, or whatever he’s on right now, Changgu judgment shouldn’t be trusted when he’s so woozy on antihistamines that his eyes have trouble focusing. When Changgu’s stomach growls, it makes the decision for him.

“Ahhhhhhhh!” Changgu opens his mouth looking expectantly up at Yanan, who’s expression freezes. Changgu looks at the spoon in Yanan’s right hand and then back up at the other’s eyes for emphasis. “Ahhhhhh.”

Hyunggu’s snort from the refrigerator is ignored.

Yanan slowly brings the spoon into the soup, getting a piece of chicken and some broth on before bringing the liquid up to Changgu’s open mouth. He wordlessly takes the metal lid off the side of rice that came with the delivery, and feeds Changgu some of that too.

Even through the dizziness, Changgu suddenly develops the ability to feel shame.

“I think it’ll get better.” Hongseok says, raising his voice so the sound reaches Changgu, who’s trying to bury himself inside his hyung’s mattress. He’s been spending more time in the other dorm recently, trying to reestablish socially acceptable boundaries.

“This has been long and very downhill journey.” Changgu argues. Hongseok can barely make out the muffled words from under his blanket, so he rips it off. “Downhill journey, okay, I said downhill journey.”

“That’s because you’re pining.” Hongseok reasons.

“I’m not pining.” Changgu responds, mostly on principle.

“Yeah, and since you’re pining and insecure about your relationship you’re acting out.” Hongseok explains. “Because you don’t know where you guys stand. And hopefully… when Yanan and you get on the same page… you’ll be more…”

“Normal?” Changgu offers, and Hongseok grimaces.

“I don’t like that word.” Hongseok disagrees. “Let’s go with… less needy.”

 

 

 

 

Yanan’s grandmother falls under on a Thursday.

Cube generally has a funeral-or-come to work policy for their celebrity staff, especially international ones, but when Changgu sees Yanan packing a duffel bag he convinces the rest of their members to pack up too. When the managers see Dorm A, all packed up, and waiting on B’s doorstep, they begrudgingly call a taxi for Yanan and send him on his way.

It’s not for naught, because he gets there in time for the burial.

 

 

 

 

“This is her tombstone.” Yanan whispers, the first words Changgu hears when he drifts back to consciousness. It’s a Wednesday, or probably Thursday by now, and he’d come home straight from the recording studio and passed out, on edge after three hours of Jinho screaming at everyone. They hadn’t heard from Yanan in a few days, and management is getting reprimand-levels of pissy over the issue, but it seems they don’t have anything to worry about.

“Welcome back.” Changgu whispers, voice strained, but Yanan doesn’t acknowledge the greeting, his stream of conscious recollections flowing forward.

“She was buried next to my great uncle.” Yanan continues, swiping to the left so a new photo comes up. Yanan recalls them in a similar position after he had come back from Daejeon, armed with photos he took with his dad in the Elite store. “My grandfather kept saying he should have been buried between them.”

Changgu, recognising that he just needs to listen now, throws half of his blanket over Yanan so the other knows he’s listening, before laying back down and closing his eyes.

“Changgu-yah.” Is the next thing he hears, coupled with half his body being dragged off the top bunk.

“Holy shit!” Changgu screeches, eyes blurry as he blinks rapidly, trying to come to terms with reality. His arms are tense, sensing impending free fall, but when his gaze finally sees shapes he sees that Yanan’s holding his torso up by his shoulders.

“We have to leave in 10 minutes.” Yanan informs him, shoving Changgu back onto the top bunk so he can jump off himself. “Wooseok is trying to shower but I think the sink is free.”

Yanan isn’t smiling, but he still looks warm.

This routine continues for the next few weeks, Yanan climbing into the top bunk to talk about growing up in Shanghai until the sun is inches from the horizon, Changgu falling asleep sometime around photo 10. He feels bad at first, but soon realises that Yanan just needs a presence beside him; consciousness is negligible. In the beginning Yanan’s thoughts are dark; he wonders how the heart attack happened, how much stress she was under, how much of that stress was due to him, whether she’d still be here if he had stayed at home and gone to a teaching school. He wonders whether his grandfather hates him, how long the elder has left, whether his father blames him, whether he should even go home for the new year. His mood picks up after a month, and he starts sleeping more, staying on his own mattress and murmuring about how much his grandma liked to hear him sing; he remembers how she would tell him fairy tales while drying his hair as a kid because he had trouble staying still and was scared of the blow drier.

“I know this isn’t about me.” Changgu starts, staring at the pills in the palm of his hand, two weeks after Yanan’s return. Hongseok sits next to him with a glass of water. “But I can’t help but feel bad about this.”

“You’ve been thinking about going back on suppressants again for months now.” Hongseok reminds him. “And Jinho took his contraceptives in case you’ve developed an immunity.”

“Isn’t changing my heat schedule for an alpha kind of…?” Changgu sighs, not even knowing how to finish that question. He’s going to swallow them inevitable, and without regret, but that doesn’t mean he can’t beat himself up over it too.

“I think,” Hongseok answers, “that if you decided to only go through heat when he wanted you to, that would worry me. Even if you had waited for him in order to go off suppressants, I might have been worried. But you decided based of this specific, rare, situation to take suppressants.”

“Hm.”

“Do you feel like you’re in control?” Hongseok asks.

Changgu doesn’t know, even after he swallows the prescription and gets the powdery zinc aftertaste. Looking back at October 2017 though, he’s glad he was there to hear about the time Yanan’s grandma threw her grand-niece’s fish tank out a window on the 18th story. So he can live with the aftermath.

Like this, technically, the fourth heat passes.

 

 

 

 

It’s been two years since that skewer lunch and the concept of seeing Yanan’s dick, actually hard and whatnot, has slowly faded from a goal into a vague abstraction of a maybe future Changgu remembers and forgets on a periodic six week schedule. Waiting, for some arbitrary readiness on Yanan’s part, has become a habit. As they’ve grown closer gradually, it’s been such a long process that Changgu doesn’t really realise how much things have changed until someone else points it out.

“So I’m just gonna say it.” Jinho blurts out, pulling Changgu aside when they’re done for the day but before they’ve split up in vans to go home. Changgu had been more or less surprised attacked on his way to the water foundation, and Jinho’s grip on his left wrist dragging him into a vacant employee’s office space. “You’re not on suppressants because of me, right?”

“What?” Changgu asks, surprised at the question. “But no, also, not because of you.”

“Good.” Jinho nods his gaze drifting down to a diploma on the dimly lit wall behind Changgu, grip on the younger’s wrist tightening. “Like I understand we were heat partners, but I’m not going to take it personally if you pick a different partner. Even from our team. Very open to this. No problem. Whatsoever.” Jinho emphasizes, gaze knowing.

“Oh.” Changgu thinks to himself, when Yanan takes his left wrist after they get it in the van. The taller brings it up to his nose subtly, nostrils flaring, before clasping Changgu’s hand for the rest of the trip back to the dorm.

“Ah.” Changgu thinks to himself, with a new sense of spacial awareness of how many points on his body are flat against Yanan’s when he’s being dragged out of bed and into the van for hair-makeup one morning.

“Right.” Changgu thinks to himself, when he wakes up to Yanan, and the other’s sheets, gone one morning a week before his heat.

“Fucking goddamn piece of shit hell.” Changgu thinks to himself, awoken at some ungodly hour the next day, and looks down to see an anxious Yanan, armed with the fiercest stutter he’s had since immigrating to South Korea and new vocabulary from an impromptu Korean lesson.

“Hi.”

“What do you want.” Changgu groans. “And why do you smell like Hongseok hyung?” he thinks, but doesn’t voice.

“Your he-heat. Coming. Week.” Yanan sputters, and it brings Changgu to consciousness like a splash of cold water to the head.

“Yeah, it’s October already.” Changgu responds casually, trying not to emote less Yanan freaks out and bolts.

“Want. Deduct ten points. Me?” Yanan continues, looking up expectantly, but starts to look affronted when Changgu fails to understand.

“Ten po- oh! Oh!” Changgu suddenly understands, and he can’t help but laugh. Yanan looks petulant from the ground, but not like he’s going to leave, so Changgu can’t help but tease him a little more. “Let’s be homophones together! Synonymous! The whole god dam thesaurus!”

Ah, the beauty of the Korean language.

 

 

 

 

  
“I’ve come to a belated realisation.” Changgu pants, and Hongseok lowers the speed on the treadmill next to him to show that he’s listening. “I’ve been sitting around waiting for an alpha to ask me out.”

“Not really. You were waiting for him to be ready because you were ready first.” Hongseok points out, slowing to a speed walk. “Especially with his mourning period earlier, it would have been weird if you asked first.”

“But on paper, it’s still just the fact I’ve been waiting around for an alpha.” Changgu points out, a familiar curling of his gut when Hongseok can only nod.

“That’s true.”

“I still feel weird about it.” Changgu groans, and there’s a few moments of silence while they catch their breaths.

“Honestly? That’s just how it’s going to be.” Hongseok breaks the silence, speeding up again. “There’s never a perfect option, some choices just suck less than other ones.”

 

 

 

 

“What do you like?” Changgu thinks to ask, as they’re sprawled on Yanan’s mattress, waiting for the stimulants in the contraceptive pills to take effect. Yanan has him crowded in the corner between the bed and the wall, lying almost completely on top of him, and Changgu had thought this would feel uncomfortable when his fever started developing, but even though they’re both sweating profusely at this point, neither of them want to move.

“Sleep. Elevators.” Yanan responds immediately, muffled since he’s simultaneously trying to both converse and imprint the shape of his chin into Changgu’s collarbone. “Escalators are okay too.”

“I mean during sex.” Changgu clarifies, humming reassuringly when he feels Yanan still.

“I… well…” Yanan furrows his brow. “They don’t really teach us these words in class.”

“Try me.”

“Water.” Yanan starts, shaking his head. “Lots of water. Wet. Really wet.”

“Shower sex? Sex in the shower?” Changgu questions, and Yanan hesitates at that.

“Maybe. Haven’t tried that. But not the bathroom, you.” Yanan continues. He suddenly props himself up on an elbow, expression uncertain. “Can I show you?”

“Um, sure. Yes.” Changgu whispers, and though they’ve been touchy-feely this entire week he finds himself blushing, even through the fever, and averts his eyes to the ladder that leads up to his bunk.

Yanan doesn’t reply verbally, but lifts a hand to reach for the other. Changgu expects the touch to hit his waist, where the waistband of his shorts has started to feel unnecessarily constricting, or on his ass, where the skin is starting to feel tender, but he’s surprised by the firm grip that cradles his neck, and sees Yanan’s familiar close-eyed expression as he approaches Changgu’s lips. This time instead of aiming for a crumbly chocolate biscuit he tastes Yanan’s tongue, the inside of the alpha’s mouth, and instead of Wooseok and Shinwon’s jeers in the background he hears the rustling of sheets and the pounding in his head as his heart rate spikes.

His ass isn’t neglected for long though, as Yanan reaches a hand down to squeeze Changgu’s thighs under the shorts, and instead of taking the omega’s shorts off, he trails his hand up under them with the lightest touch, making Changgu whine with the feather-light presence of five finger tips and an occasional brush of palm. Changgu’s too distracted by Yanan’s attempts to eat his mouth, and lets out an uninhibited moan when he feels Yanan take a fistful of ass and knead, pull, and grip until Changgu’s too busy whining to kiss back anymore.

“Off. Take them off.” Changgu pleads, torn between whether he needs his pants or Yanan’s shirt to go first. Yanan makes that decision for him, stripping Changgu in clean upward and downward yanks. The omega doesn’t even have a full second to acclimate to the cold air before Yanan’s mouth starts changing course, kissing, licking, and nipping down Changgu’s neck. He continues kissing down Changgu’s, punctuated by teasing scrape of teeth over Changgu’s nipples, and the lower he gets, the wider Changgu’s legs spread. “Please.”

“Please?” Yanan repeats, a devastating smirk on face.

Of course Yanan’s a mouthy asshole.

“Touch me!” Changgu demands, not knowing how much more explicit Yanan expects him to be. He’s expecting hands to grip his cock, or maybe even the pressure of a tongue, considering how embarrassingly hard he is already from a couple minutes of making out and rutting his hips into Yanan’s flannel pajama bottoms. But he hisses in surprise when he feels a tongue lap at his entrance, and when it makes its way into his ass Changgu feels tears well up in the corners of his eyes.

Contraceptives control the amount of slick omegas produce, making for shorter and more convenient heats, but Yanan’s eating him out like he’s fighting against science. Changgu loses track of how much time he spends squirming and moaning into his pillow, trying to fuck himself down on Yanan’s tongue and failing as the alpha has his pinned at the hips. But he doesn’t remember the last time he was this wet, slick leaking out of his ass like a torrent as Yanan bites, sucks, and drives Changgu to the brink of gasping, full-bodied sobs.

For the sake of conserving energy, Changgu has always waited until his heat was bad to the point where he started compulsively stripping before any fucking. But this momentum is dangerous, and Changgu is soon convinced that he’ll literally combust unless Yanan starts stripping.

“Condom.” Changgu whimpers, grabbing at one of ones they’ve taped to the wall, and is about to try and pry it open when Yanan abruptly replaces his tongue with three fingers, longer than Changgu’s accustomed to. He’s biting his lip, already embarrassed at how much noise he’s made, but when Yanan starts rubbing his thumb on the omega’s entrance, threatening to join the other three, Changgu wails.

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Yanan asks, his apathetic voice broken by the sweat clinging to his sideburns and the way he can’t take his eyes off the way Changgu’s clenching around his fingers.

“I’m ready!” Changgu whines, still clutching condom packet, but concentrating on finding traction so he can fuck himself down on Yanan’s fingers.

“It’s been a while since you’ve gone through a heat.” Yanan chides, pulling his fingers out a bit when Changgu flings his left leg on the alpha’s shoulder to try and get them deeper. Amidst Changgu’s whines, Yanan ceases thrusting and starts tracing circles with his fingers just inside Changgu’s entrance. It’s not even close to enough pressure, and just when Changgu’s considering slapping the alpha around a bit, Yanan brings his other hand down to fist the dick Changgu forgot he had, and the omega sees white for a couple of seconds.

“Don’t stop!” Changgu pleads, twisting his hips around in an attempt to fuck into the grip on his dick and the staccato tempo Yanan’s fingers in his ass start to pick up. “Please, I’m going to come, wait, Yanan, don’t stop- I don’t-” He gives up, too lost in pleasure, and just lays there, orgasm erupting when Yanan bends down so his tongue can join his fingers.

“How do you feel?” Yanan murmurs, retracting his hands until they’re brushing reassuringly on the soft skin under Changgu’s thighs. “Was it too much?”

“I’m good.” Changgu pants, the air is making his skin itch and burn, yearning for skin contact, so he reaches for Yanan’s arms. “You’re still going to fuck me right?” Changgu pouts, rolling his hips up despite how sensitive his cock still feels.

“I think you’re ready.” Yanan all but growls, steadying Changgu’s trembling right hand. He brings it up to his mouth, and, still clutching Changgu’s fingers, rips the condom packet open with his teeth.

This is how the fifth heat starts.

 


End file.
